


New Shoes

by pendaly



Category: Homestuck
Genre: And they do talk through it, Clothes Shopping, Coffee Shop, Coming Out, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Kankri is a little bit awkward about coming out stuff but not in any particularly harmful way, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Movie Night, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Cronus Ampora, Nonverbal Character, Nonverbal Kurloz Makara, Other, Polyamory, Sign Language, adults doing their best to have healthy conversations and relationships, complaining about women's clothes, there's a lot of worries that most LGBT people have that go on in Cronus's thoughts, transgender character, worries about transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 09:43:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19315624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pendaly/pseuds/pendaly
Summary: Cronus, Kankri, Porrim, and Kurloz have been together for almost five years now. Maybe it wasn't official until the last couple, but they've known each other for ages now. Despite the reassurance of unconditional love and support from her partners, coming out can still be a stressful process. When Cronus decides she's ready to let her partners into this part of her life, telling them her new pronouns and changing the way she wants to present, she needs a little reassurance along the way.





	New Shoes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ChasetheSun2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChasetheSun2/gifts).



> This has been a lovely fluffy little fic to write! Thank you so much for a request that is so lovely and that I would probably have never come up with without a little prodding!
> 
> Everyone is like... way more emotionally mature in this than they have any right to be, but it makes everything super sweet and fluffy so I decided that's okay.

A hot summer breeze drifts in through the open window, carrying with it the screaming of the crickets and katydids outside. The blinds let golden summer light come streaming in long streaks over a pile of discarded clothes. A foot nudges a pair of shorts out of the way with a toe, digging for a phone in the pile of clothes. Eventually, the corner of it peeks out from beneath a floral skirt and Cronus manages to pull it closer to the bed with her foot, leaning down to pick it up when it's within reach and then flopping backwards onto her bed and pulling up her text conversation with Porrim.

C: Hey babe

C: So what are the chances u can show up @ my apartment sometime this evening?

C: I gotta talk through some serious shit and ur good with stuff like this.

P: "Stuff like this"?

P: You wanna elaborate?

P: Also I can be there in like 15 minutes

C: Its gonna b easier 2 talk about in person yfm?

C: Thanks tho babe

C: c u in 15

Cronus tosses her phone onto the bed, grabs her pillow, shoves her face into it, and lets out a long whining scream.

Porrim is good at this sort of thing, so why does she still feel so fucking scared and sweaty about it? With a huff, she sits up, pillow hugged up against her chest as she gazes out the window. It wasn't as if this was something she'd decided on a whim. Porrim would understand and know how to help her sort out the legitimate worries from the irrational fears.

By the time her apartment buzzer sounds, Cronus has at least soothed the most pressing of her fears: the ones telling her that Porrim would be disgusted or upset, even though it's a patently false conclusion to come to. She stands from her bed, taking a deep breath and smoothing back her hair before heading over to let Porrim in.

She presses the button to respond, "Hey babe, what's the password?"

She can practically hear Porrim roll her eyes, "Allow me into your apartment?"

Cronus laughs and presses the button to talk again, "Make one up."

A moment of pensive silence passes before Porrim responds with impeccable diction, "Elliptical."

"Good one," She presses the button to open the door for Porrim, "See you in a minute."

Sure enough, Porrim knocks on the front door a minute later. Her forehead shines with sweat from the evening sun and more likely her car's broken air conditioning. Nevertheless, Cronus grins upon seeing her, then tries to tone it down, flash her a cool guy look instead of broadcasting the genuine joy it brings to see her.

"Look what the cat dragged in," She says, leaning with one hand against the door frame.

"You asked me to come," Porrim points out, the corner of her lips tugging up into a fond, lopsided smile. 

"Yep," Cronus admits, moving out of the doorway to let Porrim past and into the apartment. Suddenly, the fear she'd managed to soothe comes crawling back up her throat with Porrim right here in front of her.

"You said you have something serious to talk through."

Damn her for being so focused and concerned.

The door falls shut behind Porrim and Cronus turns the deadbolt. She takes a moment of pause to collect herself and shove down all the fear trying to choke her up.

"Yeah, um," She starts, "Let's go sit in my room 'cause this is gonna be a bit of a long one."

Her partner's forehead crinkles up in concern that she keeps locked behind tight lips and a gentle and compassionate nod, "Do you wanna just jump right in or-" She trails off, letting the absence speak for itself.

"Well, I might grab us water first, but aside from that I guess I'm just gonna jump into it because if I put this off any longer I might manage an ulcer at the tender young age of twenty four and quite frankly I'm not ready for that."

The burst of full-blown belly laughter Porrim fails to hold back is a welcome relief from the building tension in Cronus's shoulders as she continues to skirt around what she wants to say.  
"So the long and short of it is I'm not a boy," She blurts as Porrim's laughter subsides into a gentle smile.

"Yeah?" Porrim asks as her smile softens and her head tilts in a way that seems to say "I love you."

Cronus nods in response and swallows the growing lump in her throat, "I don't think I'm a girl either, but I wanna start using she/her pronouns. It just feels better, you know? If it's really a problem I guess it's okay if-"

A finger finds its way to Cronus's lips and Porrim presses a kiss to her cheek, "You don't have to explain anything. It's who you are and how you want to be; you don't have to explain it."

The way Porrim's words squeeze at Cronus's heart has her stepping in to hug around Porrim's waist and placing her head on her shoulder.

"Thank you," She sighs and lets go, guiding Porrim from the living room back towards Cronus's messy bedroom, "I'm… planning to come out to Kankri and Kurloz during date night tonight."

"Oh yeah?" Porrim asks, making herself at home and hoisting herself up onto Cronus's bed, "You have a drafted speech or are you just gonna wing it?"

Cronus leaves the hall door open and climbs onto the bed to lay down next to Porrim, "I mean, in theory I can just wing it. It's not that hard right? Telling two of the people you care most about that you're trans and also still in the process of figuring out what exactly that means but it's totally okay because all you really want is just for them to use different pronouns and also not call you their boyfriend anymore but also you don't have a new term lined up because so many of the gender neutral ones sound silly and you're just not ready for the term girlfriend because it doesn't feel right and-"

"Cronus," Porrim interrupts, running her fingers through Cronus's hair, "Relax. It's understandable to be scared, but Kankri and Kurloz love you. I guarantee you Kurloz will just roll with it, Kankri will be weird about it for a week and then deliver a too-formal apology for being insensitive after I yell at him about it next Tuesday, and we'll all continue to love you and support you no matter what."

Her heart wants to burst out of her chest and she rolls over, groping for Porrim and wrapping her up in a hug, "You're the best girlfriend ever."

"I know," She smiles and cradles Cronus in return, "Are you keeping your name?"

Cronus nods, "Yeah, it screams badass and I'm not trading it for anything else."

Porrim laughs and ruffles Cronus's hair, disturbing the product keeping it in place, "It is a fantastic name."

"I might grow my hair out though."

"How long are you thinking?"

"I think I'm gonna start with shoulder length, then we'll see. I don't know what my curls look like when they're all grown out."

Porrim blinks and runs her fingers through Cronus's gelled hair again, "Your hair is curly?"

The laugh that comes bubbling up out of Cronus's chest is one she tries to hold back, but how many times has Porrim seen her straight out of the shower? At least a few, and yet Porrim hadn't realized her hair is curly.

"Yes!" She laughs and pokes Porrim in the side, "You've known me for six years and you didn't know my hair is curly?"

"You always put so much product in it!" Porrim exclaims, flopping back onto the bed with the heels of her hands pressed into her eyes.

"You've seen me naked! Fresh out of the shower!" Cronus retorts, laying down with her arm over Porrim's stomach.

"Like five times total!"

"Babe. Babe, that's five times you failed to notice that my hair is curly."

"You always slick it back! It looks mostly straight! Maybe wavy!"

Cronus laughs and kisses Porrim's cheek, "Well, I forgive your poor skills of observation. Besides, you're probably gonna see it curly more often now. I'm gonna be experimenting with some looks."

Porrim's hands fall from her face and she props herself up on her elbows, "Oh?" 

"I'm thinking about wearing it down more often now and seeing how that goes. Also I bought a skirt yesterday and I'm gonna rock that shit, but also fuck women's sizes, how the fuck do you people find anything to wear when the fucking size numbers don't mean anything. What the fuck is an 12? Why is there only one number? It's like asking what the weather is going to be like and saying "Polka dots" How do you live like this?"

As Cronus rambles, Porrim sucks her lips between her teeth in an attempt to hide a fond smile and she kisses Cronus atop the head, "Oh trust me, it's the worst, but we'll figure it out. I'll take you to H&M or something. We can head to the Bins Goodwill too and see if they have anything fun for cheap."

Cronus's heart goes all fond in her chest at Porrim's offer. She leans up for a peck on Porrim's lips and sits up. "You're the absolute best," She says with a smile in her voice.  
The moment passes as quickly as it came and Porrim laughs, "So movie night, huh?"

"Yeah," She says and shrugs, "I wanna get it out of the way as fast as possible. I dunno. It just seems convenient since we're all gonna be there tonight."

Porrim nods, "Fair enough. Tell me if you want me to handle anything. I know Kankri has a tendency to be a little over eager with assuming he knows what you're going to say."

Coming out to people she cares about is difficult and nerve-wracking, but by god Porrim's reassurance and help makes all of this feel so much less paralyzing. Her lips press to the back of Porrim's knuckles and she gives her hand a squeeze, "Thanks, Porrim. I love you."

"I love you too, Cronus."

* * *

 

Porrim and Kankri's apartment is cozy and seems to fight between smelling of lavender and vanilla. Cronus might have assumed Porrim and Kankri literally warred between making their apartment smell one way or the other had it not been for the fact that she knows Kankri is the sole culprit of the indecision between which smell he prefers. Besides that, Porrim is a jasmine kind of gal and her bedroom an ode to jasmine. Jasmine incense, jasmine candles, jasmine perfume,and numerous half-filled mugs of jasmine tea. She's nearly won Cronus over to the smell of jasmine if only because it reminds her of Porrim. Instead, the warm smell of vanilla drifting through the living room welcomes Cronus into their apartment as she steps through the door. 

Kankri sits curled up on the couch with his laptop perched on his knees. No doubt he's reading through dense leftist material or reading some case or other for class. Cronus strides in the room and picks up Kankri's laptop even as he's scrolling through it.

"It's movie night, chief," Some ticks still stick even after she made it out of her 50's greaser phase. It'd been a fun one, so somethings just stayed, "That means you don't get to read anything but subtitles until tomorrow."

Kankri's hands grab at air as his laptop is snatched from him, "Cronus, give that back. I do not appreciate this sort of disrespect for my work and-"

"It's 7:30, dude. I don't make the rules," She quips back and closes Kankri's laptop, even going as far as to find where Kankri's charger usually lived and plug the thing in.  
Porrim's bedroom door opens up into the living room.

"Oh good, Porrim, make Cronus give my laptop back, I only have five pages left of this case and Kurloz isn't even here yet."

Even before Porrim says anything, Cronus can see that she's on her side by the smug smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth, "You can read the last five pages later, you said 7:30 for movie night and that you'd make time for it, so scoot over, stop pouting, and stop hogging all the pillows and blankets." She climbs over the back of the couch and slides into place next to Kankri, going for one of the blankets he's claimed.

Before she can snatch it, a knock sounds at the door. 

Cronus, already standing, heads for the door, "Get the blankets back from this blanket tyrant, Porrim, I'll hold him down after I let Kurloz in." She swings the door open and sure enough, Kurloz waits at the door with a wide closed-mouth smile, waving and signing in that fluid way that took Cronus so long to really start to understand. 

_What's up, brother?_

When Cronus responds, she's moving her hands to sign back, but slower and sloppier than Kurloz does. She speaks at the same time and moves out of the way to let Kurloz in, "Just the usual pre-movie night torment of our favorite law student." 

She stops speaking for a moment, letting her hands speak for her to Kurloz privately.

_Not a boy now._

Kurloz raises his eyebrows, _Not a boy? You a girl now?_

Cronus shrugs, _Not boy or girl. Will talk about it with everyone soon._

A nod and a smile speaks Kurloz's understanding for him and he claps Cronus on the shoulder as he heads towards the couch, giving her a quick _Love you._

It's so easy to talk to Kurloz. Or to sign to him. Maybe that does make it feel easier. Maybe it's easier to be honest when Cronus uses her hands to tell him. She follows him to the couch, but before sitting down she clears her throat to speak.

"Before we begin the movie-watching process, I have an announcement to make." 

Kankri and Porrim's idle bickering comes to a quiet and Porrim offers her an encouraging smile.

"So I recently did some pretty intense soul-searching-" 

Kankri groans and Porrim gives him a thwap! upside the head.

"As I was saying, I did some soul-searching and googling and have come to the conclusion that I'm not a boy." Her hands sweat and she bunches them up in her shirt, aiming for nonchalant and landing somewhere closer to nervous fidgeting, "I'm not sure that I'm a girl either, but I do want to start using she her pronouns. I'm keeping my name because it's a great name, and I'm probably going to start presenting differently, but I don't want to be called "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" right now. I'm not sure what you could say instead right now, but that's kind of all of it."

Kurloz is immediately signing his support, _Thank you for trusting us. We could call you our partner for now? Or S.O. I'll think about it more later. You mind if I call you sister?_

Cronus shrugs and signs back as she speaks, "You can call me sister for now, we'll see if it works in the long run."

Kankri has been uncharacteristically quiet and when he does speak up he seems to choose his words more carefully than usual, "You're sure about this, Cronus?"

Her jaw sets briefly in frustration, "I don't have to be sure. If it feels right now, then that's how I'm going to live now."

She's thankful when Porrim shoots Kankri a glance when he seems about to say something else. Kankri sits pensively before offering a nod and then adding on hastily, "Of course I support you in whatever you choose and however you decide to live. Let us know if anything changes or if you need anything different, Cronus." 

The tension melts out of Cronus's shoulders and she slots herself onto the couch between Kankri and Kurloz, "Thanks. Now that that's out of the way, what's on the menu for movie night?"

* * *

 

"What do you think about this one?" Porrim asks, holding up a pleated navy skirt.

"Too schoolgirl," Cronus responds, glancing up from a rack of sweaters she's been sifting through, "Sorry for shooting everything you suggest down. I don't really know what I'm looking for."

With a shake of her head, Porrim returns the skirt to where she found it, "We're going to keep looking until we find you at least a few things you like." 

Cronus holds up a light mauve blouse for Porrim to see, "This color is awful for my complexion, but feel how soft this is."

Porrim catches the fabric between her fingers when she returns and rubs the fabric gently between them. It's a very light fabric, one bound to get pilly within the first couple of washes, but right now it is soft and delicate and she nods, "Oh that's so soft, I love it. You're right though, that's gonna wash you out so bad." 

"I knew theoretically that fashion is an art form, but I hadn't realized fashion was an art form I have so little grasp over until now." 

"That's because men's fashion fucking sucks," Porrim remarks, pulling a sun dress off of a rack and holding it up to Cronus's figure, "What do you think about this? Light, fun, they've got a few different colors of this one too if you don't like this purple one." 

Cronus takes the dress from Porrim and looks it over. Her attention turns to the rack, examining the other colors the store offers. The hook of the hanger clicks as she places it back onto the metal holder and removes a deep, piercing, blue variation, holding it up for Porrim to see, "This seems like a nice color to me." The skirt of the dress should reach her knees, though the waistline is much higher than the other dresses here.

"With some sunglasses, a hat, and some cute shoes that would be one hell of a summer outfit," Porrim points out, her chin perched between her thumb and forefinger in fond thought, "Do you wanna get a whole ensemble here? Or just the dress?" 

Cronus sighs, holding up the dress to her chest in one of the mirrors placed around the store, "I have some nice sunglasses that I hope will work with this dress, but I don't think I've ever owned a hat before and I could use some nice shoes. Are heels hard to walk in?" She turns with the dress clutched in front of her, then lays it over her arm.

"If you can get a good pair they'll hurt a little while breaking them in, but as soon as you can get them to fit your foot, they get a little better. That said, it's hard to get a good pair of heels for an affordable price," Porrim says as she starts meandering towards the dressing rooms, Cronus following alongside her. 

"There's so much shit to know about women's fashion this is ridiculous. How do any of you dress yourselves at all? Nothing's standard, there's hardly ever any pockets, finding anything that's comfortable, cute, and affordable is impossible. We've barely even touched accessories and this is already complicated to hell and back," Cronus babbles as Porrim shepherds her into a dressing room.

"You're saying all this as if I haven't lived like this my whole life," Porrim remarks, following Cronus into the dressing room and locking the stall door, "You wanna try on the dress?" She holds the hanger out to Cronus. 

She nods, taking it and hanging it up on the door, stepping out of her pants and pulling her shirt up over her head. Her newly unstyled curls tumble out of the neck of the shirt as she pulls it up over her head and she smiles. Cronus isn't necessarily sure that this is the haircut or hair style that she wants to keep, but it feels nice to experiment a little.

The dress looks stunning. 

It brushes her knees and the off shoulder sleeves drape nicely over her elbows when she crosses her arms in front of her. She gives herself a few scrutinizing moments and then nods, "Babe, you really picked a winner." 

Porrim sits on the bench in the stall, watching Cronus as she twirls the skirt of the dress back and forth, "You look great, Cronus. This dress really works for you. It brings out your eyes."

It takes time for Cronus to finally take the dress off to go buy it. It feels nice, it looks nice, and she can't wait to wear it tomorrow afternoon on her and Kankri's weekly coffee date.

* * *

 

Kankri practically subsists off of coffee and Cronus likes getting to spend time catching up with Kankri during one of the few times he's not busy with law school work which makes these weekly meetings something Cronus looks forward to, and something Kankri can justify cramming into his busy schedule. Today, however, Cronus walks into the coffee shop earlier than usual with a knot tying and untying itself over and over again in her stomach. 

She hadn't realized how much she would start paying attention to other people. She hadn't realized how much she was going to feel like she needed to clutch the strap of her messenger bag just to let out the nervous energy somewhere. Did that man glare at her? What's the barista she's on a first-name basis with going to say? She's not sure she's ready to just explain herself to someone she knows only through weekly five-minute interactions. 

Her palms sweat as she makes her way up to the counter to greet Ameya and put in her order, "Hey, how's the heat treatin' ya?" She asks, hoping that he'll get the hint and just pretend everything is normal. 

"My apartment swamp cooler's busted so not great there," He says with a grimace, "At least this place has A/C. What can I get you today?"

Cronus relaxes when Ameya doesn't prod, or even remark on her dress or her new high heels Porrim had picked out for her, "Just a small iced mocha is fine." She's not sure that her stomach could handle much more. Even though Ameya doesn't push, the anxiety in her stomach bubbles up. He hasn't said anything negative, but he hasn't said anything positive either and now his lack of acknowledgment feels suffocating. 

She forces a smile as Ameya goes through the rest of the check out process as if nothing is different and she's waiting for her drink, sitting at a table near the front window, when the bell above the front entrance jingles and Kankri walks in. His forehead is covered with a thin film of sweat from the afternoon heat and upon seeing Cronus, his face turns up in one of his rare, genuine smiles. 

Before heading for the register, he makes his way toward the table Cronus sits at, sets his bag down at the chair opposite her, and remarks, "That dress looks lovely, Cronus. Not to objectify you or otherwise make you feel uncomfortable. It just-" He pauses, flustered and tripping over his words for a moment, "You look beautiful and the color brings out your eyes."

Her heart slows a bit and her posture slouches forward onto her elbows on the table, "Thanks, chief. Porrim says the same thing." 

"She's right," He says, this time with more conviction than his flustered compliments, "I'm going to order real quick."

"Go for it, I'll still be here when you're done."

The two of them end up sitting at their little table, each sipping on their respective beverages, chatting about their weeks, complaining about work and school, and following utterly useless trails of conversation about whether cucumbers could be considered fruit and whether coffee constituted a soup. Soon their conversation reaches a lull and Cronus's nerves have returned to a lower, more manageable level. She sighs and takes another sip of her coffee before clearing her throat.

"I want to talk about something a little more serious now, if that's okay." 

Kankri pauses mid-sip, sets down his cup and nods slowly. His response is one that Cronus appreciates greatly. They've had too many conversations where Kankri talks right over her when she has something to say that he's started consciously choosing not to talk until Cronus asks him a direct question when they have conversations like this one. 

"I was a little peeved about the way you handled my coming out," It feels more accusatory than she means it to, so she back pedals, "I mean, you did a good job in general and I know you care about me, but it felt like you doubted me." Maybe she's making mountains out of anthills, but that doesn't negate the fact that she'd spent the last few nights analyzing the experience before bed, "I know that I try a lot of things. I like to get overly involved in my interests, identify heavily with things for short periods of time, but even when things are just phases, they're still important to me. That said, this is something I've thought about for months. I guess this is kind of a lot of jumping to conclusions, so can I just fact check with you that you don't secretly disapprove of me taking this step in my life?" 

Kankri's face is one that Cronus often finds hard to read, despite how intensely he listens when he's not wrapped up in his own words. His eyebrows are knitted together, lips slightly down-turned behind a hand cupped over his chin. When Cronus asks for a fact check, though, his features soften, and he re-situates himself, leaning forward on the coffee table and hugging his elbows.

"Of course I don't secretly disapprove. You know that when I disapprove of something I talk endlessly about it," It's said playfully, though there's a brief cringe in Kankri's expression that betrays how frustrated he is by that particular trait of his, "The truth is, I was a bit surprised, and I didn't have time to think of the right thing to say to show you that I love you and support you, so I panicked and I might have come off a bit… rude." 

Kankri takes a deep breath, "I'm sorry that my response made you worry. I didn't mean to doubt you. I suppose I just… said the first thing that came to mind because my brain was so loud at the time, and that isn't an excuse, it's just what happened. I'm sorry for not choosing my words more carefully. Especially because you were being so vulnerable and looking for support."  
It'd taken Kankri years to learn how to apologize properly, but it's a skill he's learned well with some help from Porrim and Kurloz. Honestly Cronus had also had to learn that skill from the two of them as well. That said, a good apology often kept the four of them from falling apart.

Cronus reaches over and places her hand next to Kankri's on the table in a silent request to hold his hand. Kankri obliges and places his hand in Cronus's.  
"Kanny, I really appreciate the apology. And thanks for lettin' me know you're not secretly upset at me." She squeezes his hand and then lets go to pick up and sip at her coffee again. 

Kankri nods, "Of course. I'm glad you asked me for a fact check. I'd rather you tell me something I said upset you than not hear about it while you stew and worry about something that could be easily cleared up."

Today could not be better. Kankri isn't upset with her. Her new dress fits well and looks great. The sun outside, while sweltering, puts a golden glow on the world through the trees outside. Her coffee is cold and sweet. Most importantly, She's ready to step into this next stage of her life with the people she cares most about, and it seems like they're ready to take that leap with her.

Her heels click along the pavement as she and Kankri leave the coffee shop, headed for the bus stop to take them to Cronus's apartment. She'd managed to talk Kankri into coming home with her for tonight. He didn't have class tomorrow, and she had a pair of New Shoes she wanted to show him. One she'd picked out by herself.


End file.
